My Journey From Shy Girl to Stage Performer to Therapist.

As a child I was painfully shy. Not just uncomfortable about speaking out in front of a class; I mean debilitatingly shy. There were some days that I couldn’t even talk to children that I called my friends. I would often cry before my mother took me to school at the fear of losing her and the security she brought with her. When I was at school, I sat somewhere out of the way, trying my hardest to become invisible, in case something bad were to happen (such as the teacher asking me a question, thus forcing me to express myself).

I remember one occasion when I was probably around 7 or 8 years old. My mum had left me in the class cloakroom, where I attempted to take off my jacket but the zipper was stuck. I tried and tried to loosen my coat but it simply would not budge. Just thinking about it now, I can feel the anxiety that took over me. I was scared; I felt trapped and alone. A ‘normal’ child would have asked the teacher, or another student for help. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. Instead, I stayed in the cloakroom, becoming more and more frantic with fear, worry, stress, anxiety (all the words you can imagine), began to cry silently to myself and came to the conclusion that I would be staying there, in my coat, until my mother came to pick me up at the end of the day.

Of course, that didn’t happen. The teacher saw me and helped to remove my coat, comforted me as I sobbed quietly and then brought me into the classroom.

I used to be bullied by a girl who was apparently my ‘friend’. It shocks me now how little self-esteem I had. I would accept being ridiculed by that girl and actually allowed her into my home on numerous occasions. I always made excuses for her (even when I was 8 years old), believing that because she had a difficult time at home, it was ok for her to take it out on me.

Another thing that amazes me is the fact that on the day of every school performance, I had a stomach ache, or felt ill, so I didn’t have to perform. The prospect of singing or acting in front of an audience was the most frightening thought imaginable; despite often dreaming of being a singer, even then.

There are many personal stories I could tell you about that have a similar theme. I had so little confidence when I was growing up. I internalised everything and found it difficult to deal with the things in life that most kids seemed to thrive on. There are probably many reasons for that. My parents’ relationship was challenging, until they eventually divorced when I was 9. In fact, it continued to be somewhat challenging for a number of succeeding years, too. I will not delve into that because it is not my place to. All I will say is that the way parents behave in front of their children and how they project their own worries and fears, has a strong influence over a young child’s confidence, self-belief and anxiety levels. Of course, nobody is perfect and we all have our own demons that we must contend with. Looking back, I think my sensitivity probably exacerbated the anxiety I experienced.

Times have changed beyond comprehension. Back in the 1980’s nobody really understood the word ‘anxiety’ - especially in children. I was just a shy, odd child. The word ‘shy’ felt almost dirty and something to be ashamed of. Nobody really understood what was wrong with me.

Not in my family home (my mother couldn’t have been more loving and accepting) but certainly at school. In fact, it took at least two hypnotherapy sessions for me to stop shuddering at the thought of my first primary school teacher! She was almost certainly another factor in my lack of self-confidence.

The point of this article is not really to tell you the harrowing stories of my child-self! It is more about how that terrified, ‘odd’, shy girl went from sitting in the shadows, to becoming a performer, singing in front of thousands of people on a stage, following her hidden childhood dreams.

I mentioned that my mother was (and still is) an important positive role in my life. After leaving my father, she trained to become a Hypnotherapist. She and my step-father spoke a lot about psychology in the family home. I was always encouraged to speak about how I felt (which took me a while to do). It was good practise for me and I am aware of how lucky and perhaps uncommon this was in a family dynamic. My personal interest in hypnosis grew as I progressed through my teen years. I began using hypnosis for things such as exam nerves and of course my self-confidence. I became very interested in visualisation and learnt how to perform self-hypnosis. I believe this helped me guide my way through my A-Levels, university and even passing my driving test.

However, I was still a shy individual and the thought of performing on a stage (however much I dreamt of it in my mind) seemed like something only other people could do. I found myself in a relationship with a troubled man who, although a kind person, had very little drive and thought that any ambition I might have outside of working in an office was foolish and certainly unachievable.

While for many, perhaps that lifestyle was enough; for me it wasn’t. I knew I had more inside of me that I wanted to achieve. I had stopped practising hypnosis for a few years. In fact, looking back, I know I felt lost. There were a lot of unresolved problems I had acquired from my childhood that needed dealing with and my shyness had not really subsided in the way I would have liked it to.

I found a hypnotherapist and had 5 sessions with him. This turned my life around. The sessions included positive suggestions, regressing to my childhood, re-framing, inner child work, as well as progression work (carving out my future).

The sessions were taken sensitively, at my own pace. He helped me to look at my past in a different way. I was able to comfort that poor insecure child and tell my younger self that everything would be ok - as it was.

I already knew that hypnosis was a great form of therapy. It works quickly and directly with the subconscious, where memories, emotions and behaviours are stored. Using therapeutic techniques alongside hypnosis and of course suggestive therapy, meant that I could deal with what had caused my lack of confidence and anxieties and simultaneously create new positive thoughts and feelings. Visualisation also allowed me to set goals of where I wanted to be, personally and career wise.

It took a few months after stopping the therapy sessions to implement my changes. I am quite a cautious person, so I needed to know that I wouldn’t have ended up with nothing, regretting everything!

However, eventually I felt strong enough to leave my partner, the house we had bought together and move to London to start a new life, following my dream. Fast forward a few years and I have been lucky enough to enjoy a successful career as a singer. I have sung on stages around the world, in front of thousands of people and ticked pretty much every box I had made. I am proud of myself.

That is not to say that there aren’t still times when I feel my shyness creeping in. When I am tired, or a few things have been going badly, I can lose a bit of confidence. Sometimes around people I don’t know, I can find it difficult to express myself. However, that’s quite normal and I think most of us go through periods like that. I have come to love all parts of my behavioural make-up and still meditate and self-hypnotise routinely. I constantly work to better myself and intend to do so for the rest of my life.

I just want to say too, that being shy is not something to be ashamed of. We are all different. Some of us are extroverts, some introverted and quite often a mixture of both. Our different backgrounds and behaviours shape who we are and are what makes us unique. We should all be proud of who we are and what makes us tick.

Hypnotherapy and other therapies are tools to help bring out the best of ourselves and heal the things that don’t enhance our lives.

Sometimes I find it hard to believe how that young child who wouldn’t say boo to a goose has confidently and successfully run her own business for over 10 years, tackling all sorts of obstacles that you can imagine. But I figure, if I can do it then absolutely anyone can. Hypnosis definitely changed my life for the better.

I am such a strong advocate for the therapy that I am now a qualified Hypnotherapist and Life Coach. Having grown up around hypnosis, seen a therapist and carved a new life for myself off the back of it, I knew that eventually I would become a Hypnotherapist myself.

Now I help people who have their own problems and traumas that they want to overcome. I work with anyone who suffers from, amongst other things: anxiety, stress, lacking self-esteem and confidence. Of course, Hypnosis helps with so much more too; weight, addiction and phobias to name just a handful.

It helped me so much. If it can help you too with whatever you need to change in your life, then that is such a big step towards realising your dreams and living the life you want.

Debi Hall, Founder of The Wellness Room. Hypnotherapist, Coach and Stage Performer.