Sometimes it’s ok to say YES.

There are times when we all need to let go!

Today’s culture teaches us how to say no. If asked to do something that you do not want to do, the power of the word ‘no' is tenfold. Those times when you want to have a glass of wine, or a bar of chocolate, you remember that your holiday is fast approaching and denial is, of course, the best policy. ‘No’ seems to lead to happiness. You will be far happier and contented after saying no. No, is the answer to all your problems.

Well, I think sometimes it might be ok to take that two letter word and turn it on its head. Maybe, every now and again, saying ‘yes’ is ok.

I am going to explain why ‘yes’ can be good for the soul sometimes. Only a few days ago, I was feeling extremely hormonal. The ladies reading this, I am sure will know what I mean by the word ‘hormonal’. For the gentlemen out there who do not, let me indulge you. 

It is a very strange feeling, almost certainly different for each individual and occurs almost every month. In this instance, I had woken up in a terrible mood after dreaming that my partner had quickly disembarked from an aeroplane, just before the doors were closing for take-off, leaving me alone. That was immediately after he had told me that the plane would probably crash. I am not going to endeavour to contemplate the meaning of that dream (I worry about myself sometimes). Needless to say, the flight did not crash but my love and respect for my partner certainly did in the dream; and then when I woke up too. He was oblivious to this (until I told him in great detail how angry I had been with him). 

For some reason, I was unable to shake the feelings of hurt, betrayal etc. for most of the day, despite him deserving none of it. In addition to the twitching of discomfort at the back of my mind, I was experiencing a restlessness throughout my body, which I could not dispel. I went for a beautiful autumnal walk, climbing up hills, jumping over fallen trees, and so on. I was exhausted afterwards. I wanted to rest. Though, still, my body was calling for movement. Too tired to move and too agitated to sit. It was an exhausting feeling in itself. On top of this, I kept having niggling thoughts. Worries that I had failed to do do something important for work but I couldn’t put my finger on what. Negative thoughts that my partner probably doesn’t actually love me, although there was no reason to question his devotion. Hating the thought of sex but then really wanting it too. I was a psychological, physical mess. I knew this was due to hormones but the feelings were so strong that it was a constant self battle to banish them. To add to this, I had been suffering from a cold that wouldn’t shift for over three weeks. It had affected my voice (which I need for my job), so I had been abstaining from alcohol and all things bad for the last week or so. Detoxification, healthy living and so on, were my middle name. 

Later, during the same day, I decided that I should do something to take my mind off myself. My kitchen had needed painting since I had moved into my flat over a year before. It had been on my to-do list for some time and I thought that it would be a great idea to go and buy the paint and finally tick this (fun) chore off. How proud I would be of myself. It was dark by now, nearing 5pm but, without really thinking about the rush hour, I decided to go to the DIY store across town and get my Flame Red kitchen paint. Off I went. Admittedly it took twice as long to get there, due to the growing traffic conditions. It did not matter because I was doing something good for my wellbeing. I found the paint, also bought a few paint bushes etc. for the task at hand. Driving back, the November rain started spitting and then pouring down outside. The traffic was horrendous and it took an hour to get back (on a good run, this is a 15 minute journey, maximum). I began to wonder whether, on reflection, it might have made more sense to go the following morning or at least after the early evening jams had calmed down. I was extremely hungry by now too, as I realised I had forgotten to eat for most of the day, mainly due to angry thinking and the ongoing expectancy of impending doom.

Eventually, I arrived home, tired, hungry, fed up, still quite angry, and now aware that I was going to have to carry my paint and everything else in the rain, to my flat. I put my purchases in a ruck sack that I had in the car, so I would have a free hand, with which to unlock and open doors etc, for a quick dash into my building. The ruck sack would not zip up but it seemed sturdy enough, so I stuck it on my back as I locked the car. I turned, walked quickly and then heard a crash behind me. My ruck sack felt lighter suddenly and the dread and realisation of what had happened came over me. As I turned around with a minuscule of hope, my fear had inevitably come to pass. Bright flame red paint was strewn all over the pavement, with more of the tin still seeping out. I may have uttered (shouted) a profanity before quickly diving to save what was left of the pot. Trying to scrape the paint back into the tin with the lid actually resulted in even more paint coming out. It was like a gory horror film. The pavement was the victim. Eventually I managed to get some of the paint back in and just prayed that the rest would get washed away in the rain showers predicted throughout the night. Needless to say, there was quite a big blob of red in the middle of the walkway when I skulked away. 

I quickly walked to the entrance of the building. By then, my hands, keys, white coat and handbag were all a bright shade of red. I tried desperately to stop any more of the paint from seeping onto the floor or leaving bloody looking hand prints on any of the white doors and walls. I managed to get most of the way to my flat before a huge blob of paint fell from the tin and splashed on the white door that led to my corridor. When I tried to wipe that, my red hand glided across the white wall and smudged that. Then my key chain fell to the floor and left a print on the carpet. How could all of this happen at once?! 

I wanted to cry. I ran into my flat, dropped the paint pot and my keys into my washing-up bowl (which still had soapy water in it - what a stroke of luck) and looked down at my hands and coat. If this wasn’t a scene of a savage murder, I am not sure what it was. I ran into the bathroom and started scrubbing at my hands. The water ran so red, I started to feel a little unwell. I threw my coat off myself and onto the floor and then realised I had to sort the mess I had made on all the white walls and doors outside of my flat. I scrubbed at them and after about 10 minutes of wondering whether they would ever go from pink to white again, they eventually started to become close to their original pale shade. 

I went back into my flat. I stared at the red stained towels and cloths I had used to clean my hands with. I looked down to see my paint covered coat on the floor and shrieked as I grabbed it (thank god the paint had not run onto the carpet too). I realised then, that my car key fob was still soaking in the tub of water and double shrieked, as I am not sure how waterproof they actually are. The keys were still covered in paint. Touching them made my hands red again. I could not remember the last time I wanted to cry so much. To top this, I still hadn’t eaten anything and everything I touched seemed to turn to blood; including my brand new light grey sofa, I, at that moment, noticed. 

Now, I am quite a ‘no’ kind of person. I have learnt that saying no is often the best policy. Too many years have I been the person that others expect so much from, mainly because I agreed to everything. If it makes them happy, then I too shall be happy, even if it seemed not to make me smile. I was the door mat. The designated driver. The one who would take the awful work because 'someone had to do it’. Well, not anymore. I realised that was no longer for me and indeed, my happiness levels did rise considerably.

In addition, I say no to chocolate; no to junk food; no to drinking too much. No to fizzy drinks. I say no to all the things that are bad for my health. My body knows what is good for it. I am much happier for it. Especially when I exercise every day and meditate. I know how to feel better, calmer, relaxed and balanced.

However, that day, I did not feel better, calmer, relaxed or balanced. Whatever I did, my hormonal state refused to relent. As I explained, it had been at its height from the moment I woke up and somehow, after paint gate, things did not seem to improve. They got worse. Shocking!

So, I whole-heartedly said YES. I said yes to that huge bar of chocolate that I had in the fridge. I grabbed a bottle of red (ironic) wine out of the cupboard and definitely said yes to that. I put some sweet potato fries (I am still a bit healthy) and frozen Ikea meatballs (not so healthy) into the oven and devoured the chocolate while I waited. The flavour was wonderful. I drank half a bottle of wine, ate my dinner and then found some chocolate ice cream for dessert. I deserved dessert. It felt great - if a little filling and sickly by this time. During my revolt, I watched as much trash on television as I could stomach. I chose not to think about the article I had to write, about the song I needed to edit or about the red mess that was still hanging around me. I indulged in a way I had not indulged in a long time. This was therapy at its best. 

After a while, I realised how calm I felt. There was no need for the guilt I would usually dawn upon myself if I had a piece of chocolate or a glass of wine. Everything around me suddenly seemed easy to deal with. I put all the red tinted clothing and towels into the washing machine. I took the sodden paint pot out of the sink and onto a painting cloth. It probably still had enough paint inside  to cover the kitchen walls. My car key still worked (amazing) and I felt quite happy. I went to bed feeling more relaxed and balanced than I had in days.

Please do note that I am not condoning drinking alcohol or eating sugar as an alternative to healthy living in any shape or form. What I am saying is, sometimes, it is ok to stray from your every day diet of lentils and fruit. 99% of the time, meditation and exercise and generally being kind to our bodies, saying no to all the naughty food and drink is absolutely the best option and will make us happier and healthier. However, that 1% of the time when frankly you have had enough, just let go of the guilt and say ‘yes’. Go back on the regime tomorrow. Go to the gym, work out and eat 7 pieces of fruit and veg rather than 5, if it makes you feel better. Meditate for 30 minutes, rather than 20. But also remember that saying yes really can be ok once in a while. 

Sometimes the best therapy is to let go, enjoy yourself, strip yourself of those rules you drum into yourself that you know are good for you. Have something that you know won’t actually hurt you. If you know you can put it down and not go back to it again, then it is safe to do so. 

Sometimes it really is ok to say yes!